How to avoid being the “crazy ex”

June 29, 2012

How to avoid being considered his “crazy ex girlfriend”

(From personal experience)

The termination of a relationship is often the ultimate blow to someone’s self-esteem, even if the breakup is crucial to both parties mental health. As women we are inclined to over-analyze every situation that presents itself to us. This is why it is critical avoid being called the “crazy-ex”, developing anxiety and burying yourself in your misery. Based on my research (overload of personal experience as someones “Crazy Ex Girlfriend” ) I present to you several ways to avoid being someone’s “Crazy Ex Girlfriend”

1. Understand that “I hope we can be friends” does not mean “I hope we can be best friends right now” and it will never mean “I hope we can continue every aspect of our relationship immediately except the hooking up”.. Unless you gained 50 pounds in a matter of months, Chances are you were dumped because of your personality….they just don’t want to hangout with you right now….Getting “dumped” doesn’t necessarily mean your ex doesn’t like you as a person, but perhaps there was an overload of your presence. When was the last time someone was dumped because there was too much sex? Never. So stop asking them to “go out for coffee”. You and I both know that “going out for coffee” is just a trap to get your ex to remember why he loves you and explain to you every reason why he broke up with you. When has a couple become best friends after a breakup? Never. “I hope we can be friends” is code for, “I recognize you aren’t a bad person and I’d like to leave on terms that don’t involve you torching my house”. Read between the lines.

2. Don’t take it as a personal blow that they don’t want to be with you, its a breakup not a hate crime.Β  Everyone who knows me knows that I LOVE Gilmore Girls, I own the complete series on DVD. However, while I’m confident I will find the series very funny for a long long time if I am watching two episodes a day every day for the next two years I am bound to hate the show by the end of that time period. Does that mean I’ll stop finding the humor and wittiness of the show enjoyable? No, I’d just be sick of hearing the same voices over and over again. Think of hanging out with someone every day as watching one TV series for the rest of your life. You and this person may be perfectly compatible, share similar senses of humor, have a great connection, but anyone is going to become boring and predictable after awhile…

3. Don’t publicize your breakup all over the internet. Immediately after your breakup you’ll be inclined to post your favorite and most dramatic country music breakup song all over your Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr, don’t. Its a right of passage to wallow in your own misery, listening to “So Yesterday” by Hilary Duff on repeat until you actually believe what you’re saying ~*If your movin on i’m already gone, if the light is off then it isnt on*~ but why do you want all 6,000 of your Facebook friends to know you’re a miserable human being….Not only that, but Is pity reallllly the approach you want to take in getting your ex back?

4.Don’t get their friends involved. Just because you spent a fair amount of time with your ex’s friends during the relationship doesn’t mean they should be the first person you go to during the breakup. They were your ex’s friend first.. and everything you “spill out in complete secrecy” will go right back to your ex (who won’t be happy). While “venting” to every human being in sight may be therapeutic momentarily, in the long run you just look like a psycho. Keep your personal business to yourself, your diary, and your one passive friend who listens to all your shit. No matter how tempting it may be don’t turn a casual run-in with their buddy into a gossip session.

5. Don’t go on a slopping spree. “Time to find a rebound”… Okay fine, but don’t turn the “breakup weekend” into a breakup month. You like being in a relationship, right? DON’T go so wild you form a reputation. Don’t turn into a total slob (skank or sloppy drunk) in the matter of a month just because you’re “getting over your ex”. After all, if you get back together they aren’t going to let you forget about your time apart….The last thing you want is him telling people you “went off the deep-end” after the breakup, oh sweet now you’re “undatable”.

6. See things as if you’re a guy.Take a moment to realize that nobody is out to get you. See the situation you’re in for what it is and not the allusion you fabricated for yourself. If your ex has a new girlfriend, perhaps you should take a moment to reflect on how messed up your relationship was. Remember how much you used to like them as a person, and how happy you are that the person you respect(ed) has found someone that makes them happy. Don’t focus all your attention on the fact that they can’t be happy with you, most of the time breakups happen when both parties are at least a little unhappy. Has anyone ever broken up with you while you were still completely and totally infatuated and happy? Probably not… They aren’t out to get you, don’t over analyze everything.

7. Unless you are part of a “John Tucker Must Die” type of movement, nobody is out to get you. Nobody starts off a relationship with the intent to purposely hurt someone else. Sometimes, things just don’t workout between people. This doesn’t mean they are a bad person, and it doesn’t mean you are a bad person, it just means you’re a bad combination.Β  Don’t make your ex out to be something they are not. Relationships fail every day, and there is a 99.9% chance they weren’t your soul mate. Understand your feelings aren’t always reciprocated even if at one point you two seemed to be on the “same level”. Personally, I hated my Ex so much I wrote an article about it on Her-Campus (“Crazy Ex Girlfriend”)… turns out, he’s really not so bad after all. Actually, he’s still a pretty good person… and yes, he’s seen the article.

But if someone really does you wrong? Don’t be afraid to get even.'
More about Mackenzie Newcomb