My mother inquires about my love life almost as often as I brush my teeth (which is twice a day on average.) When I attend family gatherings; aunts and cousins wait anxiously to hear about the bustling love life they assume I have in the big city of ~*Boston*~. Whenever I find myself looking at my own Facebook page, the hidden relationship status I set about two years ago insists I update it. Although I sleep like a starfish and prefer frozen meals for one as opposed to cooking for two, it seems the entire world is persistent that I should be in some pre-marriage-material relationship.
I torture myself about a lot of things. There is a constant battle in my head: gym or couch. When I do make it to the gym, I fight with myself on what I should do with my time– sit on the bike and read an outdated Entertainment weekly, or pick shit up and put it down so I can have Jennifer Aniston arms. My career plans are scattered. Do I want a poorly paid hobby, or shall I experience financial freedom on my days off, and slavery on my days on? I have a vague picture of what I want to be when I “grow up,” but despite having a blurry idea of what it takes to get to the top, I lack the patience to make the climb….for now. In addition to these realish-pre-graduate-life-issues, Netflix vs socialization.
While the world seems to think I should have some sort of grasp on who I want to do, I find myself more concerned about where I need to go, what I need to see, and who I want to be. So, I am sincerely sorry if I fail at responding to your texts in a reasonable time frame. It isn’t for lack of interest that I neglect unread messages for hours or days on end. Perhaps I am experiencing relationship fatigue after years of analyzing my romantic experiences for the sake of this blog and my sanity. More than likely, at this point in my life I cannot imagine falling in love. I can appreciate your company, but I cannot commit myself– so why begin the mundane process that is “getting to know someone.” I’m home, but this is transit.
It isn’t you, its London, Bangkok, Rio de Janeiro, all the places I need to see— and yeah, it’s me.