Style Obituaries: What’s Out Now

July 17, 2017

If you’re anything like me, you’re pretty quick to follow trends. Sure, you may wait a season for the runway look to be available in Zara, but you’re generally an early adapter. It’s important to have a strong sense of personal style, but you can’t help what comes in and out of stores. For this reason, it’s up to you to decide what trends are worth investing in and ignoring.

Personally, i’m reluctant to give into a trend that involves a strapless bra. I would LOVE to wear a white tube top, but logistically speaking, it’s just not an option for me. I also disregard all heel trends, because I’m a clumsy creature of comfort. You probably follow similar rules that are more specific to your body and preferences.

One of the most important lessons you’ll learn in life is when is the right time to say goodbye. I’m not talking about your ex-boyfriend. I’ve made a list of things in your closet to sell, donate, or put in storage.

The 90s called and they want their choker back:

Look babe, we did the choker thing. It had a really good run. We’re done. Give it up. I cannot fathom why you’re still wearing a tattoo choker necklace. Don’t you remember when we bought those from gumball machines at the grocery store circa 1999? The good news is, you didn’t invest that much money, so no harm done. Store your chokers away with those chunky pastel necklaces you rocked in 2009. Instead rock some statement earrings.

Did you buy those with holes in them?

Distressed is on it’s death bed. Not to sound like your grandma, but aren’t your knees cold in your ripped jeans? Yes, Kate, this is a subtweet. Ladies, if you can’t wear them on casual friday, what is the point of buying them? Keep your favorite pair, of course, but don’t invest in more distressed clothing!

Fishnet tights are uncomfortable & useless.

Don’t @ me. I used to wear these every Halloween growing up, so I know what i’m talking about. They don’t keep you warm, and your toes will inevitably fall through the netting. They especially look dumb with ripped jeans. Girl, you’re uncomfortable and I KNOW it. Rest in the sweetest peace, you won’t be missed.

Namaste in 2015

Yes b*tch, I know guac is extra at Chipotle. I didn’t need your t-shirt to tell me. Did you really pay $200 to tell us that “We should all be feminists”?? Are you INSANE? Lavishly priced graphic tees should never have existed in the first place and yoga related garb belongs in the gym. I am all about a clever slogan, but I don’t need to see the same one 10 times.

CLUB-WEAR is dead

If Kim Kardashian wore it in 2010, you should burn it in 2017. Gone are the days where there are dresses that strictly belong at da club. If you haven’t donated your underwire bodycon dress to Goodwill yet, I urge you to do so. I don’t care if you wore it on your 21st birthday. If you look closely you can probably find vom stains, don’t be gross & toss that shit. Don’t get me wrong, I love a sexed-up party look, but there is a reason brands like Bebe are suffering.

Stop, Drop & don’t buy that laced-up top.

This one may be tough for some of you. I know that they can be flattering. You may have just bought one on sale at Tobi. But i’m here to tell you, laced-up tops are done. I have been eagerly awaiting the death of this trend since the beginning, and i’m happy to announce it’s here. I offer my deepest sympathies to your bodysuit.

Cute picture of me in 2015 wearing what is now known as the most basic bitch top of all time.

Against my wishes, bell bottom jeans are back out.

I welcome personal style with open arms, and whether or not flared jeans are in right now, I commend impeccable styling of them. Also, I spent $250 on my Rag & Bone flares in 2015 and I intend on continuing to wear them. That said, like the full-length jumpsuit, these are nearly impossible to pull off without the help of a tailor (unless you’re Taylor Swift.) I get that you don’t want to put that kind of effort in! Instead we have cropped flares, which are equally cute. I am still loving wide-legged and culotte pants. At least we’re not strictly limited to skinnies!

Say goodbye to the slip dress over t-shirts.

Danielle Bernstein has given the world many great trends. She pushed the re-birth of overalls and 2-piece sets. She was also responsible for bringing back t-shirts under slip dresses and tanks. For awhile, I was into it, or at least open to it. Slip dresses can be tricky bra-wise, so I saw the appeal. But i’m over it. You used to do this with your Hollister tank tops. People don’t forget.

Cork wedges are hideous

Always have been, always will be. There are exceptions, but they are minimal.


Store or Sell your Fringe

I live, laugh, loved the fringe trend. As you can see, in the featured image above, it was my jam. So much so that I bought 3 fringe bags AND a fringe jacket between 2014-2015. Sadly, it’s time for them to take a rest. Don’t be discouraged, everything makes a comeback! But I think you can count on these sitting out for a few years.

Clear heels are for Barbie dolls.

Kanye had the nerve to bring back clear heels in Yeezy season whatever, and it’s probably because he’s never worn them. You may remember wearing clear heels in your dressup box. I’ll refresh your memory: they were horribly uncomfortable. Jelly shoes made a brief comeback in 2013/2014, but we quickly moved on because the blister struggle was real. Don’t invest in this trend, or you will regret it.

Nava-holy sh*t you still think it’s chill to wear tribal prints???

Girl, it’s 2017. Remember the outrage when Kylie Jenner said she “started the wig trend”? Remember Halloween 2013 when Julianne Hough wore blackface when dressing as “crazy eyes” from Orange is the New Black? The world went crazy when Katy Perry dressed as a Geisha at the AMAs. You may not fully grasp cultural appropriation, but that doesn’t mean you’re not being problematic (there is a difference between appreciation and appropriation.) But while the Native American headdress you wore to Coachella is exploitive AF, the tribal print cardigan you bought from Urban Outfitters isn’t exactly kosher either.

What’s Gucci? Not fur slides.

When I first saw the Gucci loafers with da fur, I thought to myself “big foot.” Last year, when I continued to see them, I began to see the appeal. Afterall, Gucci was at peak popularity in 2016 and I was very much drinking the Koolaid. Now that we’ve seen them knocked off on every corner, it’s time for them to go to rest. Let’s be real, they are the least sensible footwear trend of the century…oh wait, no that’s clear heels.

Tiny sunglasses are unflattering and ugly.

Let’s stop this one before it takes off?

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More about Mackenzie

Retired scene queen living in Astoria, New York with my boyfriend Ben. Accidentally started blogging in 2011, haven't stopped since. Lover of Nutella, hater of white jeans after labor day. Graduate of Suffolk University with a degree in Sociology. During the day I work for Petrossian Caviar, the world's largest caviar supplier and buyer. I have a wonderful life, and I'm excited to share it with you. Also, I have seen every episode of Law & Order: SVU.