Halloween

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Unlearning Sex

It’s my freshman year of college around 4am. I’m sitting on the concrete floor of my dorm room in a drunken haze devouring pizza with someone I met at a Halloween party, Andrew. I dressed as a sexy nerd. He dressed as a giant banana. My “sexy” costume consisted of two push-up bras, jean shorts four sizes too small, orange goo (tanner) on my face, thick eyeliner, and poisoning myself with cheap vodka. Andrew interrupts my pizza love-making. He grabs…

How To: Not ruin Halloween

The most high-stress holiday of the year. Achieving the perfect drunk nix the not-so-perfect blackout, a costume hot enough that you are guaranteed some attention from the opposite sex, while simultaneously being witty and appropriate enough that your mom wont force you to take down your profile pic. Unlike Christmas where the only strain is on your bank account and your waist-line, Halloween requires crash diets and creativity. Lets be serious-- your freshman year of college is the last socially…