Dense and scripted; insincere and useless.

Tell me, how many girls have forgotten about a guy because, “he’s a piece of shit you should just forget about him” or how often someone has felt immediately confident after hearing “you’re way too good for them!” Clichés are the obviously the least effective form of support, so why do we still use them?

“There are plenty of fish in the sea”

We are aware that there are a lot of other people in this world, we have Tinder. We see the statistics, but the only people we see on an average day are those in our immediate surroundings. I saw that fish with a lot of other female fish and I don’t think they were just swimming.

“Everything happens for a reason”

I’ve said that before too, because I didn’t know what else to say.

Expecting advice like this to console your friend is like wearing a “make love not war” t-shirt and expecting President Obama to pull the troops out of the Middle East.

“you’ll love the Single life”

It’s hard to want to meet new people when you’re emotionally exhausted from the last new person you brought into your life. Someone once told me that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new. Although I have tried that regimen in the past, turns out its a placebo.

Instead, level with her. Yeah, its going to suck when there isn’t someone to talk to about the minuscule details of your day. Its too bad that you have to wonder what their family now thinks of you.  Its easy to give a 5 minute pep talk and move forward with your life, but whats going on is probably consuming them.

“time heals everything”

There is no time frame in which your stomach must stop dropping at the sound of their voice. An alarm doesn’t go off when your mourning duration is up. It could take years before a day comes that you don’t think of them (fuck you, Snapchat.)

“he didn’t deserve you anways”

Nobody has ever dumped anyone for being too awesome. If you thought he was such a tool, why did you let me date a “hardo” for 10 months? What does his new girlfriend have that you don’t? Your friends can insist that she’s ratchet, but she’s definitely not ugly. You’re not blind and they’re not honest.

“Never look back”

This is like saying nobody deserves a second chance, and that simply isn’t true. Today someone messaged me about a situation with their ex, who decided to send an “I miss you” message after a long span of silence. He still loved this ex, but he had spent the past few months consciously moving forward.

Its a little twisted, that the only person who can fill the void is the one who created it in the first place. The rejection still lingers at the pit of your stomach, yet your heart feels more whole than it has in a long time.

Giving in is like erasing all the progress you’ve made independently, but its possible that they are sincere and the feelings are mutual. Sure, whats meant to be will “find its way”, but doesn’t fate need a little facilitation? If something you loved were to break, wouldn’t you at least try to fix it?

Friends,

By using overused cliché-suggestions your friend is going to assume that their relationship is beyond your understanding and that any advice you give is amateur.

Try to discover what the initial attraction was and the relationship roles that formed over time. Ask about their plans for individual futures and the alignment of their lives. Don’t judge them if they’d consider reentering their relationship, but challenge their reasoning.

Empathic conversation leads to breakthroughs. Sympathetic lectures lead to further insecurities. This isn’t a petty bump in the road of life, this is all they can think about.

*que Destiny’s Child*