Hey Girl,
Timing your texts: Normal.
Asking friends for advice: Normal.
Strategically planning run-ins: Normal.
Look, nobody is going to judge you for stalking yourself on social media before sending a friend/follow request to the person you’re interested in. It’s totally okay to ask your friend for advice on how to respond to a text that doesn’t quite ask a question. When you first like something, it’s normal to get a little obsessive. I was referring to my boyfriend as “my boyfriend” before our second date. (Would I say it in front of him? Absolutely not, I’m socially competent.) Liking someone a lot isn’t anything to be ashamed of, but your actions are going to deeply impact whether or not they are going to like you back. Dating games have existed since the beginning of courtship; now they are digitalized. Forgoing any strategy is going to lead to an ultimate loss.
The game is pretty simple. See everything for what it is, not what it could be. Men (AND WOMEN) are either interested + active, interestedish + lazy, or not interested. If someone is interested + active, you’ll know. They’ll respond quickly and with enough depth that you know they aren’t just being polite. If they are interestedish + lazy, it will never become serious. Chalk it up as a loss, or accept that you’ll never be more than a hookup. If they are mostly unresponsive and short, they probably aren’t interested– and if they are, they don’t like you enough to warrant your time. Are there exceptions? Yes, but most of the time it’s just that simple. Trust me, I know how hard it is to stay cool under the erroneous pressure of dating. I know how tempting it is to read into things.
This isn’t news. Even your grandmother is familiar with the term hookup culture. Sometimes you just need someone to be completely real with you, to remind you of what you truly already knew. If you’ve been talking to this person for a long time and they are still playing games, you just have to chalk it up to interestedish + lazy or uninterested– neither of which are a good combination for a relationship.
Think of all the people you’ve “talked” to. Other than messy-ex-situations, how many of those people do you have strong negative feelings towards? Probably very few. See things for what they are, not what they could be, not what you want them to be, not what you fear they are. If it was there for every two attractive people who had a conversation, love wouldn’t be so special.
