Was I alone?

For awhile I used to directly associate an ex’s romantic success to personal loss. Frighteningly relatable? I used to ask myself what I had done to lead me to singularity, and them to each other’s house for Christmas. Every time a past lover would update their relationship status I felt as though someone had given up on me. Luckily, at some point apathy started to come more naturally than insanity.

Our Facebook news feed is a personalized tabloid, one that can feel intoxicating at times. Despite this, I’d argue that in some circumstances social media is a blessing. We’ve been spared from awkward encounters with the men of our past and unexpected new girlfriends (keyword: unexpected.) If it weren’t for romantic Instagram posts, imagine how many of us would have drunk-dialed someone from our long list of ex-lovers. Access to personal information has spared many of us from chronic embarrassment. Thank God/Zuckerberg.

What do we know about her? More than a follower count, less than a life story. We become virtually acquainted with people before hearing the sound of their voices. How can you compare yourself to a collection of photographs and 180 character thoughts? What we see is just as filtered as what we allow to be seen.

I’M IRRELEVANT | SO ARE THEY.

It isn’t a personal failure every time your life doesn’t align with someone else’s. Eventually you realize they didn’t choose anyone over you, just as you haven’t directly chosen anyone else over them. The stomach still sinks, but it rises shortly after. Initially self-doubt is inevitable, but at least it isn’t terminal.

I’ll still hold my breath after asking you if you’re with someone new, and secretly hope the answer is no. It is human nature to want your love interests to remain available, until you no longer are. But there are so many fish in the sea, they can’t all be for me.