“Don’t find a new boyfriend on vacation” Ben joked this morning. I reminded him that i’m going to Miami with my group of six best friends. “It’s not exactly easy to pick up guys in a huge group of girls” I pointed out, before remembering that factor has never stopped me before. In fact, I’ve always found that vacation is the best place to have a short, passionate love affair. Don’t worry Ben, you’re still my one and only!
I’ve been let down by men more times than I could count. I’ve built up heated love stories in my head, only to have them burn the tips of my fingers. This morning I spent a considerable amount of time seeking out a story I wrote about a boy I met on a trip to Martha’s Vineyard. Though I cried several gallons of tears for this dude, I couldn’t remember which article was about him. I know he did me wrong, but I couldn’t remember how. I did eventually find it, but it took awhile.
Perhaps the biggest blessing of finding your one great love is that all your scars heal. All the animosity you felt for those who did you dirty fades away. Sure, three years into my relationship with Ben there are still a handful of memories that, when initiated, make me feel a little nauseous. I fear running into one guy who I obsessively fawned over for a large duration of my college experience. His wish was my command. Part of me still resents Antonio for giving me a whirlwind romance in Italy and tossing me like a bad habit the second he got on his flight. Though him tearfully begging for me back the following year definitely helped me get over that. I remember most of my vacation loves fondly, even when they didn’t realize that gallivanting around Paris at nighttime was supposed to be the beginning of our love story and not the end.
I can trust fully, and I do. I can love deeply, and I do. I don’t think about the men who did me wrong on a regular basis. Some of them have been completely wiped from my memory. The guy who broke up with me because he “wasn’t attracted me to” (can you believe someone actually said that??), I recently struggled to remember his name. So many times I felt like my heart would never heal. I thought i’d always be at least a little bit broken. My self-worth was dependent on how the men (boys) I fancied viewed me. Perhaps it did even in the beginning with Ben, but I’ve never felt more whole as a person than I have with him. He’s my permanence. Even when I remember the young, wild & free days of vacation hookups fondly, my day to day existence is made infinitely better by my forever love.
In two days i’m going on an extended weekend trip with my six best girlfriends from high school. I plan on drinking countless mojitos, reading two trashy books on the beach, and tanning my sun-deprived body. While I won’t be meeting any sexy strangers while salsa dancing at da club, there will be no shortage of love on this trip.
P.S Expect me to blow up your instagram feed with outfits I’ve been planning for two months.
Below is (most) of what I’m packing, similar things switched out:
